Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Everything you ever...

It seems some people have welcomed me back into the fold already, others are rightfully upset, still I am surprised by the mostly heartfelt showing of sympathy and support.

You know, aside from you asses that are calling me 'Emo'.

I've just been walking for the last few days, slowly, trying to recover my bearings, its a nice change of pace, since I've had no real events struck me since my last encounter with Glass Man.   I've taken this time to think about oddities of life, of morality, and spirituality.  I've tried to appreciate the things I've lost during these last few months.  Simple things like  color.

Sort of funny to think how quickly a person can be tolerated if not forgiven.  I remember seeing this months ago, back during the previous blog.

You know, the one I wrote when I was all eager to die for a cause, and did my best to subtly martyr myself?

Anyway, back then, we had a few proxy cases that went around.  Pretty much you would see binary code spewing from someone's mouth like it was digital Tourette's (which does not work that way).  So we had people sort of shift sides, back and forth.

Like Nessa.

A sweet girl who got into a mess, and destroyed a lot of hope when shit got real.  Sounds familiar?

However I digress.  I'm talking about atoning, at least in a spiritual if not religious sense..  I'll leave that religious stuff to people who know a damn thing about anything.

I am of the personal belief that sincerity and conviction are key to really, honestly being forgiven for sin.  Such as in my case, I've got 9 bones that show exactly how much sin I need to absolve before I die.   Sure some of them are from evil people, but still murder was committed in each case, whether deserving of it, (Rika, Porify, Jekyll),  done in mercy, (Slice, Kelley), in desperation, (two unknown people, and someone named Adam), or in a complete accident.  (You know her name).

By my guesstimate, I think I owe the world a karmic re balancing of about... 285 years of helping others in all ways possible. 

This means I'm going to end up dying, still many, many years in debt to pay the balance of lives lost in madness.

I think a morally strong, character filled man might silently nod, determined to fulfill his duty.

and I'm just not strong enough to accept that

The idea of dying as a failure,
a fraud, and a sick raving murderer, it's disgusts me

I can't do it.  I just can't.

I couldn't even carry around the guilt of what

Nowadays I see how that drove me to desperation, denial.

And being a person short on time, and short of willpower, I think I really have only two shots at considering myself redeemed in my own eyes.

Considering my luck the last time I strode off into a forest to kill our foe, I think it's best if I try the second option.

You know, the one that ended up mindfucking me into a shattered state of which I am still recovering.

I'm going back to the tree that caused this entire mess

And I've got to kill it.

I can't live knowing its out there.

I just

I think about the bodies

I have to prove that it doesn't control me anymore, that it has no power over me, that some good can come from evil, and that I can kill this fucking thing that follows my every goddman move

It won't make up for the entirety of what i've done, but it's going to be a start,

and who knows?  Maybe it'll give me the key to killing our true foe

One more thing, guys.
If it does it again...

well, Glass and any of you others that have promised to end me...
you know what to do


  1. it doesnt work like that zero


  2. He's right. You're gonna die. And it's gonna be horrible. No it won't. I'm sure you'll go peacefully. In a meat grinder.

  3. It's odd...the summer solstice is in just less than a week. Strange how these things happen in cycles, isn't it?

  4. You could always just attack one of Master's servants and go down in a blaze of glory. That would prove which you're "side" you're on pretty conclusively, don't you think?

    Glorius and Acedia would be more than willing to help with that. I mean, I haven't asked them, but I'm certain they would be.


  5. Find the tree, Zero. Release yourself.

  6. Wow Janus, how can you even think that? That's incredibly heartless. Unless, of course, you are a proxy like Steward. In that case I get why you'd say something so horrible. In the event that you are normal, I can't believe you'd wish death on someone like that. Zero's just trying to get by and he doesn't deserve to have the rest of us bitching at him for what happened.

  7. Don't do anything stupid. It was nice to see you on the path of redemption. If shit hits the fan, I can promise you, there will be something ready to end this.

  8. dont ever lose your will zero


  9. His name was Hyde. It was Hyde, not Jekyll. He refused to be called Jekyll, and you of all people have no fucking right to call him that.

    Anyway maybe some god somewhere will forgive you. If so, good on you. But you've caused a lot of people a lot of pain. A lot of Agents have been tracking you, though. You've left a pretty impressive trail of bodies and haven't been covering your tracks. And I have a feeling it's not just Agents. That Glass guy was pretty pissed at you as well. You've got both Agents and Runners out for your blood now.

    Not a threat, but a warning: I'd be careful if I were you.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  10. touchy, aren't we, Messenger?

  11. Zero, will you please for the love of whatever deity you might believe in stop trying to be a hero? You and I both know what's gonna happen if you attack that thing head on. Look at what happened the last time you tried to be a martyr! Stop repeating the same mistakes and make a new path! This has all happened before and if you don't stop it will happen again. Look at what Aimee said, its almost the Solstice.

    Please don't do this. It can only end in ruin.

  12. "like Steward"? We are not all the same. Yes we are. No we're not. Birds of a feather are we. Except that we aren't. Don't be so ignorant, Malkin. Or do. You probably should. It'll help you in the long run. No it won't. Yes it will.

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  14. Hey Zero. I have this LOVELY idea. When we kill you, we are gonna take a bone from you. Then we are gonna take a bone from Amelia's worm ridden corpse. THEN one from Maduin once we kill HIM. Then we are going to create a weapon for Killing the Unworthy out of them? Doesn't that sound delightful?

  15. jeje,'' By my guesstimate, I think I owe the world a karmic re balancing of about... 285 years of helping others in all ways possible. '': somehow sounds familiar.

    I'm proud of you Waywa-.. .. my good brother.
    : )

  16. Really? THIS is one of the blogs SΣ is following? The Trials and Tribulations of SAGE02B?

    Listen, kid, do yourself a favor and quit your melodrama. We've got files and files on people just like you. You're not special, and you certainly aren't gonna accomplish anything.

    And that goes for everyone that's commented here-- yes even the P01's.


  17. Hi there.
    I've just spent all day reading all of your posts. Both at the old blog, and at this one.
    I wish I had something grand and comforting to say. Instead I'll just say this. I'm glad you're back on the side of not completely fucking psycho. Personally, I think you'll be fine, so long as you keep working towards redemption. As long as you fight for it, you deserve it.
    Keep fighting.

  18. Of course, when I find myself unable to actually post on my OWN blog, I instead find myself pondering the trials and tribulations of others.

    You seem to be in an interesting situation, Zero. From a purely logical standpoint? You are a murderer, albeit with (at the time) a twisted sense of justice. Yet... you can not only look at one side of the story.

    One: You felt the murders were completely necessary.
    Two: Most of the murders WERE of people that were a bigger threat than many of us realized (and had killed many themselves), or of people who genuinely wanted to die.

    ...though it was unfair of them to ask you, at the time, who were you to deny them? They felt they were helping the cause, even to their dying breath.

    So I do find it hard to condemn you for your acts. You're human, Zero. No, not a Sage, and definitely not a Proxy or Hallowed. Human. And try as you may, you can't escape from that.'s easy to say that you were in the wrong. But now that I have my own little... situation, I find it easy to sympathize.

    Please, Zero. I'm not sure if what you call the "Bleeding Tree" exists. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. The point being? If you're going to try and destroy it, you need to collaborate. Come up with a plan. Because all I see right now is a train-wreck in slow motion, and everyone's invited to watch. owe it to them.

    You owe it to us.

  19. @keiken - i thank you

    @morningstar - blahblahblah 'suffer like g did'

    @sigma - drop your pretentious bullshit. It's fuckers like you that claim to know every damn thing that annoy me the most, with your smartass elitist periwinkle fucking arrogance. How about getting off your ass, shedding that false sense of entitlement, and getting anything done, you son of a bitch, and leave the name calling on the sidelines, can you do that? Fuck you.

    @Elaine - Thank you. I've got a long way to go

    @Walter - Well Kay, Rika and Robert have all seen it as well, Robert you might be able to discount, and Rika's dead so how about Kay? It's real, Walter.

    @Janus - you're annoying.

  20. dont you ever lie something as heavy as what you did over on my blog onto my back zero. EVER.

  21. Damn it Zero, don't you use my name to justify your fucking crusade when you are ignoring me again.

    Zero...Timothy...please just once will you listen to me when I say some thing?

  22. ignoring is not the same as having nothing to say.

  23. Nice. Nothing like pissing off your evidence.

    I kid, I kid. I don't doubt you, Zero. In my current situation, I wouldn't be surprised if something like you describe-

    Digression happens a lot these days, doesn't it?

    Either way, I re-iterate; going at this alone is... words don't even give the amount of stupidity justice. I get it. You're a badass lone ranger and you're going to deal with this all by yourself and yadda yadda yadda. But you have people out there that care about you, that want to help you on your "crusade" (all the positive comments are proof of that), and you're choosing to go it alone, and even worse, without a clear plan?

    ... It's hard to let others help you when you can't help yourself, but you've got to try.

    That's all you can do.

  24. i didn't mean to piss her off, but I guess you've got a point.

    Sorry, Kay.

    fuck, why do I have to fail at everything I do?

  25. You don't fail at everything Timothy. But you and I both know that going after that thing alone is suicide. Please just stop for a minute and think about this. Take someone, anyone with you, it doesn't have to be me, I know that we have...issues with each other, but when/if that thing comes for me again, I don't want to see you hanging in it's branches.

  26. Case studies of so-called "Runners" have shown that trying to go on the offensive against the entity known as, "The Slender Man" or any of its affiliates (such as the "Bleeding Tree" entity) have not ended well. I believe you are familiar with a recent example of someone trying to be a hero.

    Reconsider this.

  27. FFFFFFFFFFFFFT. Zero, you attemptin' this and staying alive is about as likely as me not gettin' drunk tonight, and know tha' I'm not a guy to NOT get drunk.

    Christ on a bike, put me in a dress and call me Nancy. You've really gone off the rails, haven't yeh? Y'need help, y'idiot. Don't be the stupid hero that gets himself killed; you've survived this long, why give up now?

    Long story short? Take help, Zero, or else we're going to force it on you.

    I mean tha'in the nicest way possible.

  28. >and someone named Adam

    For a moment I wondered what the actual fuck happened.